Category: friendship

this heart of mine

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I’m slightly tipsy but i want to say the perfect picture in my head right now is a big table of people for dinner. With a jew, a mormon, a gay person, a buddhist, people of all races, a catholic, a bahai. and all just having dinner. drinking and not drinking. and just loving each other. and there are stars. and twinkle lights. and candles. and laughter.

I was sitting on The Owl roof in Logan, most likely with a Blue Moon in front of me, when I typed that out on my phone and sent the text to Travis. At this point in my life, I’d probably only consumed alcohol a handful of times. The first time was two months prior while camping with some friends and I was finally able to convince myself I wouldn’t go to hell if I tried Corona. I was 26 years old and my world was changing.

When you live in Utah and you drink, I soon discovered religion is a common discussion topic when people have beer or cocktails in their hands. Perhaps my experience is unique, but I’ve heard this from non-Mormons who live in Utah, too. I also realize a lot of the friends I hung out with had Mormon backgrounds and were going through similar transition periods as me. Even when you try, it’s really hard to escape the religion for some reason. I can remember one night, when we were all gathered around a table some people started talking religion across from me. I quickly turned to my Mormon friend next to me who was not drinking and told him to talk to me about something else. I didn’t want to hear or participate in the drunken analysis of why Mormons do what they do.

When I drink, I’m that person that openly expresses how I want the world to be a happy place. I will tell you all the things I like about you. I will hug you and all your friends – and while I actually control myself a lot more now, I used to make everyone link arms or hold hands in circles because that’s the way I wanted the whole world to be – friends, happy, loving. A big, fat cheesy circle of peace.

During this transition period in 2011, wanting everyone to be friends no matter their background or current situation was the thought that filled my mind on long walks through Logan Canyon, on the Bonneville Shoreline Trail, and at night in my one-bedroom apartment. And I swear every time I was drinking, at some point if it didn’t come out of my mouth, I’d at least think, “I’m so happy we’re all friiieeennnddsss!!!” While I may have seemed like another annoying drunk person, the intentions were true. I really do like to imagine everyone being friends, and when there is conflict, it troubles me right down to my soul.

I haven’t been active in the church for more than four years, and I struggled with issues inside the religion for about two years before that. I’d long seen the way the church – and religion in general – can separate people. It can make outsiders feel lonely and misunderstood, and it can make members who don’t seem to fit all the criteria feel less worthy than others. I’ve seen in the Mormon church that for those who struggle with sexual orientation, addiction, gender inequality, family issues, and historical religious issues, the faith they hold dear can actually torment them.

That’s why I’m happy there have been people like John Dehlin and Kate Kelly, two Mormons who have been making a difference and including those who felt like outcasts in their own communities and church houses. Unfortunately, both were threatened with excommunication this week. Dehlin is an LGBT ally and the creator of Mormon Stories, a website with several podcasts from Mormons of all walks of life, and Kate Kelly is the founder of Ordain Women, a group which has been seeking for leaders to prayerfully ask God if women can hold the priesthood. They have also waited in lines to attend the priesthood session of General Conference – which Mormons hold twice a year – only to be denied.

When I heard Kelly and Dehlin received letters from their bishop and stake president this week about church disciplinary action, I was shocked. I didn’t think the Mormon church was that interested in excommunicating activists anymore as they did in 1993, when six feminist women were disfellowshipped or excommunicated. I thought the church had become softer, even though leaders hadn’t changed official stances on gay marriage and relationships, or women and the priesthood. Since neither Dehlin or Kelly were telling members to leave the church, and they’ve both openly said they want to be part of it forever, it seems like because they didn’t fit inside the cookie cutter mold and they opened a dialogue for issues viewed as controversial, they face being kicked out.

This hurts my heart more than it probably should. People who know me probably wonder why I care so much when I haven’t been an active member for a while now. At this point, I can’t see myself being active again in the Mormon church because I want a religion that is inclusive of all people and allows women to have the same opportunities as men, but at the same time, like many Mormons who fall away, I haven’t let it go completely, either. I see it for many beautiful things and I’m thankful for the way it’s influenced my life – and the lives of my family and friends – for good. This week, though, it broke my heart again.

Oh, this heart of mine. This troubled, aching heart that just wants the whole world over for dinner with stars and twinkle lights and candles and laughter.

I hope one day it happens. Until then, here’s a cyber circle hug.

beauty friendship life love

inexhaustible source of magic

Post author By Manette
Post date May 8, 2014
No Comments on inexhaustible source of magic

Let’s geek out for a moment here. I love Harry Potter. I told you that in January in the post about audio books and the greatness of the library. Since that post, I’ve listened to “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” and I’m halfway through “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.”

The characters in Harry Potter are just so great. I love Snape because of his complexity, Luna for her weirdness, Neville for his sweet nerdiness, Hermione for her confidence, brains and creativity, and Dumbledore because he is wise.

Last year for Travis’ birthday, I gave him Dumbledore’s wand and, because I’m a child, decorated our room with balloons that had little pieces of paper inside with quotes from that old, wise wizard. (Side note … I love balloons.) This all led up to main gift – tickets to a John Williams-themed symphony where they would play “Harry’s Wondrous World.”

Now about those Dumbledore quotes … there are some gems, one of my most favorite being about words.

He says, “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”

I really need to print this out and hang it in our apartment somewhere, because if there’s two things I love (along with Travis, and balloons, and sunflowers, and See’s chocolates, and a billion other things), it’s writing and talking. And while a lot of what comes out of my brain is probably mumbo-jumbo, if I could remember that words are sources of magic – for good or bad – I’d be a lot more careful about what comes out of my mouth and what lands on paper. Even careless slips can lead to jinxes that cause hurt, pain and/or embarrassment. And the words we tell ourselves are also very important, for if they are not good, they can cast the worst of spells upon our daily lives.

The best of words can create friendship, love and peace. They can remedy dark magic. They can simply roll off your tongue in some beautiful way. The right combination of words create the most lovely of images, describe exactly how we feel, and help people relate and feel connected.

Handwritten words are simply the best sometimes, and the words we say in the dark hours can sometimes lift a tear-stained face and heart. Words are magic – our most inexhaustible source of magic.

Yesterday, while perusing through Facebook, I noticed a wonderful Buddhist vow my friend posted … all about words and communication. I’m going to leave it with you with the hope we can all do better with this, especially myself.

“Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.”

And now, just for fun, we may as well end with more Harry Potter goodness, including me at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Florida three years ago and the Valetine’s by Yenniper I gave this year. Always remember I like your long bottom. If those words aren’t magic, I don’t know what are.

friendship life universe

saturn’s glory

I’m here. I promise.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I’m going to blame it on my wonderful schedule change from the swing shift to mornings. Now I’m gone all day long and have things to do at night. You know, like actually hanging out with my husband. And cooking delicious dinners. And exercising. And ice skating lessons (yay for working on the bucket list!). I can’t complain one bit about having to wake up at 5 a.m. with work and other goals and activities that follow, but I think it has affected my writing time.

I do want to be here, though – in my little space on the web that reminds me to stay inspired, look for the good and write about it. Because let’s face it – there is so much good.

I really do live a charmed life in the blue-sky desert with Travis – yellow cactus flowers blooming across the street, sun-kissed mountains greeting us every sunrise and sunset, and hiking and biking trails just up the road.

Did I just say biking? Well, yes, I did. I’m trying and I’m liking it! Though some of those rocks and hills have me intimidated, I’ll get better.

I don’t have a lot to write today, but I wanted you to know I haven’t disappeared. I have ideas for this blog that will come together soon. But for now, I’m going to leave you with an awesome picture of Saturn taken by our friend Fritz.

Last Saturday, just as Travis and I were winding down to watch “Footloose” on Netflix (because we’re cool enough to watch that movie), our friends invited us over to see Mars and Saturn through their telescope. It was actually a complicated setup that didn’t involve us actually looking through the telescope at all. Instead, the image could be viewed on a computer as the telescope took a series of photos of the planet. Or was the computer taking the photos? All I know for sure is it was very high tech … and really cool.

I’ve seen Saturn at least one other time and there’s something about those rings that catches your breath a little. I know we all see photos of the planet our whole lives, but when we see the honest-to-goodness actual planet with our own eyes, it makes it feel even more real, and just a little bit closer.

Life is all about perspective, you know? Sometimes we know things are real, but they don’t truly feel real until we experience them for ourselves. Knowing and feeling are totally different things, and often feeling is so much better. So, this was Saturn that night, captured by a telescope in front of our eyes. It was definitely real that night, as were the Tootsie Rolls, Airheads, popcorn and Blue Moon. Here’s to warm summer nights coming up. To friends. To that crazy planet with the rings.

friendship love

valentine’s day

I wrote the following post two years ago. I still feel the same.

In 2011, I went through a breakup two weeks before Valentine’s Day and while I wasn’t concerned about being single on the holiday (in fact, I was really into doing things alone around that time), my friend made sure I was going to have a good night. She told me for at least a week that she had a big surprise for me, and it wouldn’t be a blind date. At work she would come up to my desk every morning and tell me how excited she was to give me my gift. That night, I went to her house to watch “The Bachelor” and after I was there for a half hour or so, a girl came to the door with a massage table in hand. My friend had set up a private, hour-long massage for me at her house. The girl took the table into the dining room where everything was closed off, dimmed the lights and turned on music. It was so relaxing during a stressful time in my life. My friend was so kind to do that for me and at that point in my life, I honestly think it was the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for me on Valentine’s Day.

I’ve always had a little bit of a thing for Valentine’s Day. It probably stems from my childhood when my parents and teachers made the holiday fun. It wasn’t about being in a relationship then; it was about friendship and family and making boxes at school for valentines and candy. In junior high, Valentine’s Day became about getting balloons from secret admirers at school. I know I got one in seventh grade (which was also the same day I broke up with my first little “boyfriend,” but I don’t think the balloon was from him).

In high school, I made fudge for my friends one year, but it didn’t set up right. For some reason I packaged little bits of it in cellophane anyway and handed them out with a spoken disclaimer. I knew the fudge looked like poop, but I promised the gooey, chocolatey mixture still tasted good. Um … I hope they agreed. I remember one kid literally licking it off the plastic and getting chocolate all over his face. That’s how messy it was.

I had a friend back then who wrote me a whole Valentine’s Day story one year on 3X5 cards during one of her classes. It was so funny with illustrations and all.

My freshman year of college my roommates and I went to dinner together. The following few years I had a boyfriend who made the holiday fun.

I’ve never thought Valentine’s Day had to revolve around a relationship. I think it can be all about celebrating friendship, too. That’s a kind of love, right? My cousin wrote on Facebook the other day that she’d just finished making her valentines. She followed with, “Celebrating love and friendship just makes me happy!” I love that.

I once had a friend who told me his sister, who was single, bought a Valentine’s present for her dog and I think that’s cute. If no one is going to make the holiday about you, it can be just as fun to make it about someone else, including your pet.

A couple years ago, my friend hosted a party called “Violent Times” right around Valentine’s Day. It was possibly one of the most awesome parties I’ve been to because it was creative and everyone there was super funny. We played Pin the Weapon on the Broken Heart (making weapons out of construction paper), Spin the Broken Bottle (where you had to either physically or verbally assault people instead of kissing them) and read emo poetry over candlelight. Believe me, it really was awesome.

I guess I’m writing this because I know a lot of people don’t like the holiday. They see it as a mandatory day to show love and spend money, they think it’s meaningless, or they feel like the universe is shouting “You’re single!” one day a year. But I think if people look around, many of them will see they’re really not alone, that friendship can mean just as much or more than any relationship, and we all have the opportunity to give, even if no one gives back to us. I’m not writing this to change anyone’s mind or to say everyone has to celebrate the February day of love. More so, I wanted to point out celebrating love and friendship is always a good idea and there are many ways to do that, even without a significant other.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours, whoever they may be.

beauty friendship

daisies

I bought these flowers exactly two weeks ago and they’re still going strong. They make me happy every time I look at them.

A friend came to visit and I bought the yellow daisies to place in our guest room for her. I picked yellow because it’s my favorite color and I always seem drawn to it. I picked daisies because as Kathleen Kelly says in “You’ve Got Mail,” they’re friendly flowers.

I’m posting this photo today because I hope daisies make you happy, too. I know how Januarys can be sometimes … cold and long and dreary. For me, this January has actually flown by. And while I’m excited for February, I really wish time would take a break every once in a while and slow down.

Wherever you are, I hope you have things, people, hopes and dreams to keep you warm both inside and out.

Happy Thursday!

friendship

friends

Post author By Manette
Post date January 2, 2014
2 Comments on friends

Let’s be friends.

There is absolutely nothing in this big, wide world I love more than friends. They are the people who inspire me, make fun memories with me, who listen to me when I won’t stop talking, who laugh with me, who text me ridiculous things to make my day, who stay up late with me, and who give me a million reasons to be a better person.

Even though I’ve been lucky in life to have many wonderful friends, I’m always looking to expand my circle. At a young age I was taught to be friends with everyone. My mom, who is my biggest role model, told me over and over not to leave anyone out, to avoid cliques, and to be nice because everyone deserves a friend. And at some point around my junior high years, my brother told me something he probably doesn’t remember, but it’s stayed with me always. He said, “Everyone has something cool about them if you look for it.”

To master being a good friend to everyone is something I strive for. The last couple years I’ve learned the things that separate people from one another are usually not important. We are all connected in some way if we look for it, and there is something cool about each and every person if we choose to find it.

I like to think someday I’ll have a small, cozy home with big windows, a fireplace and a giant table where folks will come over for dinner and we’ll eat fatty comfort food and creamy, chocolatey desserts over candlelight. OAR will play in the background because I feel like OAR can ease a crowd. And nothing will be too serious because there will definitely be plenty of laughter.

Hopefully people will want to visit because they feel comfortable and happy in our home. Differences will be celebrated instead of shunned. The Harry Potter lover will chat with the guy obsessed with all sports and beer, and the Vogue connoisseur will chat with a grandma who’s been wearing the same sweater for 25 years. A 45-year-old someone with a real passion for politics can find something in common with the girl who cares about nothing but makeup and shampoo. Perhaps they could talk about … makeup and shampoo.

I’d like to make a place where religion, race, gender, sexual orientation, age and income are not factors in whether or not relationships can be formed. Because with friends, amazing things can happen.

My family members make up some of my greatest friends. They loved me from the beginning and I loved them. And sometimes, friendship can turn into something more … you just never know. After six years of being friends, a guy named Travis and I fell in love and got married two years after that.

I’m often thinking of ways I can be a better friend. What I know for sure is friendship takes effort. It’s not something that appears on your doorstep. It has to be sought, and if you want it to last, you can’t take it lightly. You have to actually care, listen, love and laugh with your friends. You have to make time for them. You have to be there in good times and bad. And even when days, months and years get in the way, you have to be willing to pick up where you left off when you get the chance.

I know you can’t be best friends with everyone, and sometimes, because life is difficult and complicated, there are reasons people can’t be in your life. Sometimes people scar you or you scar them. Even if you can’t talk to them, though, there is a lot of power in forgiveness. I do believe there is a way to have a friendly acceptance toward every person in the world. There is a way to have a warm heart for those you don’t even know. I’m not there yet – not even close – but I hope to be there someday.

If you and I aren’t friends yet, I hope we can be. But I will warn you, once you make your way into my life (and I hope you will!), I won’t let you out easily.

Let’s be friends. Want to share some creamy, chocolatey dessert?